What your Apartment says to Women
By Stacy Liberatore
For most guys, the goal for the night is to take a girl back to his place. I’m a bartender. Trust me, I see it all night long as guys try to close the deal. You’re not fooling the sober girl behind the bar.
So what happens if you succeed? As a woman, I can tell you a lot of dreams are smashed when the girl sees walks into a guy’s apartment for the first time.
A man’s home is his castle and it says a lot about who you are. Sure, it’s your man cave, but we see the home of a cave man.
Women always play photo hunt at the bar. We can pick out the smallest of details, and notice everything. If you know you will have a lady at your place or have high hopes of bringing one home, plan in advance. Here are my 10-tips to make sure your apartment doesn’t sabotage your love life.
The Bathroom: There’s nothing worse for a women than a disgusting bathroom. We don’t want to see a pig sty. If your bathroom looks like a public restroom at a truck stop, go get some scrubbing bubbles, gloves and get at it. And if that soap has rings around the sink, clean it up. She’ll cringe if she has to peel the soap of the sink counter.
The Fridge: We live in a city where we can order any type of food at anytime, but that doesn’t mean you should only have a protein shake, ketchup packets, and left over pizza in your fridge. Women love a man who cooks. And you don’t have to be Rachel Ray. Even if you just throw a bottle of wine or two in there we might over look the entire thing, depending if the wine is good. And get rid of the red solo cups while you’re at it. Pour her some wine in a real wine glass.
The Sink: No one likes to do the dishes, but when you smell something from the sink and you’re in the living room, its time to break out the dawn. A clean sink tells women you are responsible.
The Laundry Room: Sure, we understand why you don’t have a laundry room in your Manhattan studio, but that doesn’t mean your entire living room should have dirty clothes lying everywhere.
The Photo Booth: Women are already uneasy when they first walk into your place, so don’t make them feel like they need to compete. You don’t want any pictures of your exes out and be careful in general with all pictures of women who aren’t your sister. You don’t need those old memories haunting your apartment.
The Public Library: It’s a given you have a collection of dirty magazines, but don’t flaunt them. It tells us that you just see women as a piece of meat.
The Living Room: The day you leave college is the day you throw away your furniture. Your couch may have a lot of history but it needs to be exactly that, history. Also you’re a big boy now, so a futon does not count as a couch. I don’t care if its convenient when you have guests- that’s no excuse to keep your door room memories alive. Show her you’re a grown up with grown up furniture.
TP: You may not use it but we need it. You might be a bachelor who lives alone, but we hate having to yell from the bathroom for assistance. Make sure there is plenty to go around.
Budweiser, Heineken, Corona: Neon bar lights should also not follow you into the next step of life. Sure they remind you of your glory days, but unless you really have a full bar stocked with everything, and you can do tricks like Tom Cruise in Cocktail, pack them away with your “action figures.”
Now be honest, how many of these steps did you fail? Get at it..