By: Mark Macias
And I thought I was smart.
Last week, I was with a few friends at a bar, bragging about my latest theory behind a woman’s “purse-onality.” I was explaining why I believed a woman’s handbag can reveal insight into her personality when my friend opened my eyes to a new theory not even Freud could fathom.
“You can tell even more by the bra a woman wears,” he said. “The color she picks tells you what she wants, especially when she knows it will be seen.”
He pointed to the bartender who was wearing a red bra that could be seen through her black t-shirt.
“Red is a power color. She’s a woman who knows what she wants. She wants to take control,” he said. “The fact that she’s showing it tells you that she’s comfortable with you knowing she wants to take control. If you don’t see the red bra until you’re behind closed doors, she’s a closet freak. She’s like that librarian who takes off her glasses.”
My teacher then went around our small group of female friends and accurately predicted the bra color each woman was wearing. I was sold. It didn’t hurt his curriculum vitae knowing his wife was a fashion designer for Macys. I’m sure her time studying colors had turned him into her little apprentice.
Our group was glued to the lecture.
“If she’s wearing a black bra, she wants you to think she’s classy,” he said. “Black is a classic color but it’s viewed as sexy. It’s timeless. This girl doesn’t want to show off, but she wants you to see her sexy. If she’s wearing a nude color bra, she’s saying the opposite. I don’t want to be seen. She’s conservative. She’s not out there.”
But what about those odd colors that seem to defy traditional stereotypes, like green, pink and pastels?
“Green is an aphrodisiac,” he said. “She probably doesn’t even know what the color says, but it’s a ‘just f— me’ color. She wants you to just give it to her but she doesn’t know it yet. Pastel – it’s a laid back color. It’s fun and flirty. She’s probably laid back. She wants to have fun, but she doesn’t want to flaunt her sexuality. If she’s wearing pink, she’s saying, ‘I want to be noticed but I don’t want to be seen as a whore.’ She wants to get some but she’s also worried about her image.”
After listening to our lecture, I was ready to put my newly found knowledge into action. A woman walked by our group.
“Excuse me, but can I ask you a question about your bra?”
Guys: I don’t recommend using that as an opening line to any woman, but I was surrounded by credibility (females). She smiled and agreed to go along with my science project.
“Can we guess the color of your bra?” I asked.
She seemed like a fun girl based on how receptive she was to my question. She didn’t cringe when I asked for details involving an intimate piece of clothing and she leaned into me as I asked her a question. Most women at a bar would have subconsciously crossed their arms and stepped back when a guy asked a personal question about her bra.
I looked her over.
“I guess pastel.”
My teacher guessed nude. He was right.
“She’s wearing her work clothes,” my teacher said. “That’s a new variable you have to take into account. You have to remember if it’s after work, she may be matching her bra with her professional image or suit she wears to work. The bra color theory is best when you’re on a date and there is a chance that you might see it later.”
Not all of the women in our group were sold on my professor’s theory, but for guys trying to figure out women, it helps. We’re clueless in so many ways, which is why women really should give us a break.
I looked across the bar to the girl who agreed to take part in my science project. She was in the corner with her friends, laughing and obviously having fun with a beer in her hand. I was now more certain that inside her drawers, was a pile of pastel bras, waiting for her next date.