Some funny Twitter postings to help you pass time…

212Access April 21, 2012 2



I have vomit on my pants, and it’s not mine. @ganson

Opened my fireplace damper last night. First time this year. Two tiny dead birds fell out. Like a slot machine where the prize is 500 tears. @wailinglist

Fellow patient in waitng rm has 10 inch nails, painted blood red. Her hands hover over purse as nails search for insurance card @kellygo

It’s pretty clear that even if a horse was in my nose I couldn’t pick it. @jeffLandou

Overheard in the Newsroom #2949: Deskmate on our 13-year-old computers: “Hey, I could throw this thing a Bar Mitzvah!” @h1661n5

Had the “basic training” dream again, the twist this time was it was
on post-terraformed Mars. Even in my *dreams* I’m a huge nerd. @h1661n5

Should write a book for the Twitter age entitled “No One Cares What You Ate Thirty-Seven Seconds Ago.”@maggie

I wouldn’t say I’m “married” to my work, but we’re definitely fucking the shit out of each other. @jordanrubin

And the crowd goes mild. @leemathews

If anyone needs me, I’ll be doing lines of vitamin D off the toilet seat. @JayFerris