By: Scott Hyatt
Dating in New York is drastically different than dating in other cities and the proof is in the online profiles.
I recently went home for the holidays and as most New Yorkers experience around day two of their vacation, I got bored. In New York, boredom is far and distant. If you want change or drama, you walk outside your door and let the natural environment hit you in the head.
But in Texas, where everything is bigger, you need to seek adventure miles outside your suburban home. Since I didn’t rent a car on my trip, I did the next best thing to beat boredom. I went online and scoped out the online profiles on my favorite dating site -HowAboutWe.
I didn’t have to peruse that dating site for more than 5-minutes before I realized single New Yorkers take their dating life seriously. If you scope single profiles within 25 miles of New York, you will see detailed descriptions of what people want and desire in a mate. It doesn’t matter if the girl lives in Brooklyn, Manhattan or Hoboken. She will post several pictures in her profile and a biography that intrigues you. That’s the way New Yorkers roll. We have to compete with everyone and it’s no different in the online dating scene. We have to sell ourselves.
But it all changes in other cities. When I went through the local profiles in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, I have to tell you – I was disappointed.
Everything may be bigger in Texas but when it comes to online dating profiles, they are definitely smaller.
The women on these dating sites (I also perused- Match.com) don’t give many details on their personal lives. It’s like they don’t want to give the impression that they are trying to sell themselves. It’s not like that on dating sites that cater to zip codes in New York. Of course guys know the value of a picture, but my neighbor put the value of pictures into an even better perspective.
“If they only have one picture posted, you have to assume they are ugly,” she said.
“Why would you say that?” I asked curiously. (She’s an accountant so she is smart in that nerdy way, bringing logic to everything, especially the superficial).
“Because any girl who is pretty is going to post several pictures. If she only has one good photo, then she will only post that.”
It’s logic that delivers valuable objective data to the masses.
There is a cliche in New York that says New Yorkers need three things to make them happy – and they are usually only in possession of two.
New Yorkers want a great apartment, great job and great girlfriend or boyfriend. One of these is usually elusive. I heard this expression about a decade ago when I first moved to New York and a decade later, I have to tell you it still rings true.
I am digressing.
I went through several single profiles in the local area and I found a woman who was curious enough to meet a stranger from another zip code for a drink. We met at a local bar in Arlington, which was right in the middle between the both of us.
The woman I met was pretty and blonde. Honestly, in New York I wouldn’t have a shot dating a girl like this because she was thin, pretty and had a huge rack. (They really are bigger in Texas).
The women I met was named Amy. She told me she had lived in Fort Worth her entire life, minus a 5-year college stint in Austin. Within five minutes of our meeting, she told me why she agreed to meet me – a guy who in all practical purposes brings no future value to her.
Unless she wants to move to New York or assumes I will move to Texas, this date is not leading to marriage and isn’t that what dating is all about? Isn’t a ring on the finger the end goal?
She told me she wanted to meet me because I live in New York. Even in other cities, New York has that cool quotient that exponentially raises your value. My looks didn’t change but suddenly in another city, I was more handsome.
How do I know? I played the numbers game in Texas – rolled the dice – and got a higher ROI (return on investment). In New York, single guys know you have to play the numbers game. If you email enough women on these dating sites, even if it’s the same email, sooner or later women will start replying. Single women in New York complain that all guys write the same email. Duh – of course we do. If we wrote a personalized email for everyone, we would be single for life. But if we copy and paste and send to the masses, suddenly our success ratio increases.
This trip back home taught me a few things about single life.
In New York, being single is power.
If you are single, everyone wants to meet you or set you up with their friends. You lose that power quotient when you decide to jump into a relationship. But in other cities, your hot quotient rating jumps by 3. A single guy or girl in another city is hotter by 3 points just by leaving the NYC area.
New Yorkers have high standards for everything. We want our food to taste good, a quixotic environment, exquisite conversation, personal service. These are expectations that are unrealistic in other cities, but in New York, they are obtainable.
I’m still not quite sure which is better – to be hotter or more powerful. I guess it boils down to – do you want to be bored and hot or powerful and in demand. Even for a smart New Yorker, those are some tough questions to answer