By Desi Pavlova
I have now seen a therapist, attorney and plastic surgeon. I guess you can say I’m an official New Yorker – part Gossip Girl, part Real Housewives of NYC and part Nip Tuck.
My friends never understood why I wanted to get my breasts done. They asked me, “why do you need bigger breasts? Your boobs are fine.”
I guess I wanted to be part of the City scene. I needed to fit in.
When I first arrived in New York City, I was only 21 years old. I was brave for a young girl. My life experiences were small but my goals were big. I felt like a movie star when I moved here and I wanted to look like one.
New York City is known for its fashion, models and actresses. It’s hard for even a pretty girl to compete because the competition is fierce.
Guys don’t believe me, but it’s not easy meeting guys or making friends. I am outgoing and pretty, but I wanted a glamorous and addictive social life. I wanted more.
Back to my breast surgery, I always felt that my breasts were too small. I told my doctor I wanted bigger breasts but I wanted them to look natural. I was a 34A one day and then I woke up the next day to a 34B.
It’s now been a full week since I had my surgery and my self-esteem is bigger and stronger. I can approach a guy now and not worry about my small breasts. I never wanted to approach guys before because I was insecure with the size of my breasts.
Now onto my therapist.
Dating and living in New York City is stressful and full of pressure. For me, it got to the point where the stress kept me awake at night and stole my appetite. I realized I needed to talk with somebody, so I went to a therapist, recommended by a friend.
Most people use their friends for listeners but in New York City, friends don’t have time to listen to your problems. A therapist does have time but it comes at a cost – $100 per hour to be precise.
My therapist’s office was like a scene from Mad Men. There was a couch and window and the therapist listened with her notepad, while I revealed my heart and soul.
I went weekly to see this therapist. My conversations with my therapist were all about finding my home and accepting myself for who way I am.
Overtime, my therapist told me I wasn’t strong enough for New York City and recommended that I should move back to Bulgaria. Yet, every time I visit Bulgaria, my friends back home are amazed with my life in the City.
I didn’t have problem with what she said. I just want my life to be better. If New York can give me this life why I should change it?
I leave for Bulgaria on Sunday. Yes, you heard me correctly. My flight leaves from J FK at 6pm.
I love this place, but I feel like I need a break. Perhaps, my summer in Bulgaria will help me to see how much I love and miss this city. Or perhaps it won’t.
New York City is a magical place were people can be whoever they want. Sometimes I have days were I feel like a movie star because of the city I live in. Let’s see how that transfers over to Bulgaria.