How many of your friends are in a successful relationship in New York City? Doesn’t it seem like most relationships in the City fail after a few years?
Manhattan has one of the lowest number of married couples in the US. Roughly three out of every four people living in Manhattan are single.
Why can’t New Yorkers find and keep love? I think most New Yorkers fail in their pursuit of love because they live in a city driven by career. We’re also more selfish here, afraid of commitment. In the city of dreams, we want to be free to achieve our dreams. I’m learning how to maintain a relationship based on my previous failures. Here are some of the lessons I have learned that will help any guy make his next relationship last.
Be Open to Love
When I made myself open to love, it finally came my way. In the past, I would date for the convenience of having someone there for me. However, I am learning that is not how you approach a relationship. If you approach a relationship for convenience, you’re potentially cutting yourself off from real love. Both people in the relationship need to be open to a lasting and commited relationship for it to last past a season.
Can You See Yourself Married to this Person
If you’re dating a girl for fun, that is completely different than dating her for marriage. Dating for convenience is also a recipe for disaster. You must see yourself with her forever if it’s going to last. This does not mean you have to ask her within the first month of dating whether she wants to get married, but you should get an idea quickly whether there is a future with her. There is nothing worse than wasting your time in a relationship that is heading nowhere, because everyone is afraid to ask.
Understand your Partner
Now that you have found her, the most important thing you can do is make an effort to understand her. Everyone wants to know that there is someone out there who understands their sense of humor, their ideals in life and their aspirations. Therapists will also tell you every successful relationship has two emotionally supporting partners. Show your support in the living room and it will be rewarded in the bedroom.
Show Genuine Interest
When your girlfriend is talking to you, make an effort to take in the information that she shares with you. If she is providing you with this valuable information, it’s because she trusts you enough to want to share this information with you. Isn’t that worth something? So if the TV is on and she asks you a question, take one second to look up and make eye contact. Even if you’re not listening, it will help you in the future.
Love Them or Leave Them
I tried to change a partner once, and he told me to love him or leave him. I left him because I could not accept the person he was. NEVER try to change your partner, if she is not what you want, go out there and find what you want. When girls feel that someone is trying to change her, they tend to get defensive and feel that they are not good enough. So, love her or leave her.
You would be surprised how many people are passive aggressive with their communication. Passive aggressive is not effective communication, its defective communication. If your partner hurts your feelings, or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to let her know that it hurts your feelings or offends you. Sure, you’re a tough guy. It’s okay to show your feelings every once in awhile and let her know why it bothers you.
Be a Best Friend
Sociologists and relationship studies all say the number one thing every successful relationship has is a partner who is a best friend. You want to be able to do silly things with her. You want her to feel comfortable telling you her most embarrassing stories. When you are able to completely reveal yourself to the one you love, that makes for a relationship with transparency and complete trust. These are essential qualities to any person you consider to be your friend.
Try New Things Together
Boring leads to trouble, which is why you always need to learn and find new adventure together. If you are in it for the long haul, you two may find yourself getting comfortable or bored with each other, so shake it up. Try a new activity at least once a month to revive the newness you once had in the beginning of the relationship. Make it a date and put it on the calendar.
There is no point is putting all your effort into a relationship that does not have two willing partners. If you two are willing to do whatever it takes to make it last forever, then I guarantee you it will last forever.