How to get a Second Date in NYC
by Juan Jimenez
I read an interesting article in the New York Post by a writer who thought she found the secret to getting a second date. (You can read the NY Post article here).
Christina Amoroso opened up to her readers, “My secret weapon isn’t a push-up bra, or even my killer mint brownies: It’s a little black dress — a basic item of clothing any normal New York woman has hanging in her closet.”
“After wearing it by chance on a couple of first dates last fall, I saw a pattern emerge: I slipped into the dress and got a second date every time.” Amoroso wrote.
Are NYC guys that shallow that a little black dress will embolden us to ask a girl out for a second date? Yes, but it comes with several conditions that are hardly guaranteed.
Women – if you’re looking for a second date, don’t spend all of your energy in the closet. Clothes matter, but your conversation and body language will take you further along in the date.
Amoroso’s article was extremely entertaining, (and I recommend you read it), but she gave advice from a woman’s perspective. Guys who choose to live in New York City move here for substance, not frivolity. Substance involves words, thoughts, gestures, reciprocal body language, engagement.
I went out on a date two weeks ago with a woman who couldn’t stop talking about herself. She didn’t ask any questions about my life and her body language was self-absorbed. Ironically, she was also wearing a little black dress similar to the dress the New York Post writer posed for in her column. She didn’t get that second call back because she made some classic first-date mistakes.
So how do you get a second date from a guy’s perspective?
Pretend that you want to split the bill. That’s right, you don’t have to mean it, but at least offer. (In football, we call this a trick play, which fittingly applies to this situation). It’s a sign of entitlement when a woman assumes the guy will pay for dinner and drinks on a first date, especially if the initial meeting was a mutual meeting.
Act like you’re interested in what he says. If you don’t ask him anything about his job, or whatever his passions, then you are probably not going to get asked out again.
Compliment him. That’s right, guys like compliments just like women do. If you do want to go out on a second date, ask yourself what you like about him, then compliment him on that.
Offer to buy him a shot at the end of the night. Why? It suggests that you have a wild streak and most guys living in the City want to imagine that you are wild behind closed doors. Odds are, he won’t take the shot if he’s working early in the morning, but if he does, at least you know what you might be in for later on. And if he takes that shot, be prepared to join in. It gives you an adventurous edge.
Don’t wait two days to text him back. If you like the guy, be bold and strong. Text him and tell him that you had a good time. There are no longer rules (at least in NYC) that a guy has to initiate contact first. If you’re waiting for him to text you, then you might just be telling him that you’re not that into him. Sure, allowing yourself to be vulnerable might lead to rejection, but it also leads to closure.
Of course, there are no dating guarantees or rules for second dates, but at least you got a chance to hear the male point of view. Now, if I can only get Christina Amoroso to write an article for me on what women really want in a first date.